The 28th Day

Today is the last and final post of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 that was challenged and hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com. When I first came across the Facebook post by FuzzyGalore, I thought why not. I needed a kick in the butt to get my writing mojo back. Boy, it sure had me kicking and screaming some nights. Some prompt were an emotional challenge for me. Other nights, I just wanted to curl up on the couch after a long day at work and veg mindlessly. However, since I can be stubborn, I got every post written on time.

This challenge made me realize I do miss writing. However, writing every day can be exhausting. So, I will try my hardest to get back to writing weekly. To help me to come up with prompt for the weekly post, I’m giving my audience a chance to ask me questions or pick topic they would like me to write about. I can be anything about solo traveling, motorcycle, grief or local history in Southern California. Post your questions in the comment section. This idea is stolen from FuzzyGalore as well but I have to say I will not do video presentation in response to your questions (too self-conscious to watch myself on the video).

Oh, you may wonder what today’s prompt was? “The February image on your wall calendar”. I do have a wall calendar but it has no pictures on it. 🙂

Life after Grief…

A friend of mine, who is also a widower, shared my blog post about “A Widow’s Romantic Predicament” and received several comments asking if “he has moved on”. I replied that we really don’t move on, we just learn how to carry on with their memories in our heart.

Sadly, until you have loss a loved one, there is a lot of misinformation about grief. The biggest one for me, is that you’re not just mourning for the loss of a loved one but you’re also mourning the loss of who you were with the loved one. You lose the life that was created together. You lose half of who you were all of those years. You also lose all of the hopes and dreams you had for and with your loved one.

As you try to learn how to carry on with those memories, your perceptions of the world around you changes. Everything you once believed in also changes. Your belief in God, your security in the world, and your expectations about life being predictable and fair is no longer the same.

However, the world around you still evolves as it used to. When families and friends think its time that you move on or thinks that you already have, assumed that everything goes on like it was before the loved one has passed. The reality is that nothing is the same as it was before. What was important before, no longer is. Other things in life becomes more important. A lot of times, it will seems like its a “mid life crisis” type of behavior to the friends and families. To us, we learned that life is precious and should not be taken for granted.

As my friend, Jeff wrote in a poem, “I am driven by death to live

Today is day 21 of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com

Reflection

“We do not learn from experience…
we learn from reflecting on experience.”
John Dewey

You know the old saying, “It is not possible to go forward while looking back”. How can you move forward without reflecting on the past? If you don’t reflect back on life and review where you have been or what you have been through. Then you will keep making the mistake over and over again.

Just like Nature is my Church, while being outside in solitude, I spend time reflecting on life which allows me to look back at life and see how far I have come and how far I still need to go in life. It also allows me to review who I am and who I want to be? It’s the time to look deep within myself and figure out how to become the person I want to be.

Today is day 19 of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com

Just Little Things

At the last minute, I’m completely rewriting today’s challenge that I have written earlier. As of right now, my simple pleasure is just being DRY. As many may have heard on the news and the internet, Southern California is getting slammed with the biggest storm of the season.

For us in the Cajon Pass, the wind came first. The wind has been averaging 30 to 50 mph with gust of 60 to 85 mph. Throughout the day, I would go and check on our horses to make sure that they were doing ok. At one point, I noticed that their shelter were starting to lift up. So, I went out to move them into the arena. It was a good thing that I did when I did, it just collapsed right after I moved them out.


As the day progresses, then came the rain. We realized that the horse shelter is to mangled to be able to fix it tonight. It might be too far gone to salvage it. As we try to find a solution to getting our horses under some kind of shelter so we can feed them. A friend of our offered to house them at her house but found out that our road is too slick to travel on. None of our neighbors had room in their barn. So our DIY solution was to load them up in the horse trailer.


This was no easy task to do while it was down right pouring out. Mark and I tag team this process. I fetch the horses and load them one by one. Then we had to dry them off before putting their blanket on. Then hang up their feed. Note to self, we should have hung the feed before we loaded them into the trailer.


Now, it is dark and the wind is still howling and the rain is pelting the windows. We won’t know until morning what further damage we will get. However, at least we are dry so are the fur babies. Just life simple pleasure.

Today is day 17 of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com

I’m Thankful For…

The last three years has been the most challenging times for me. I don’t think I could have survived without those who walked and/or sat beside me during those difficult times. They were families, friends and even strangers. They all comes from different walks of life and each shared their experiences, strength and hope with me.

I’m thankful for the pie maker in a small town of New Mexico for her story of perseverance in trying to make a go on her restaurant. Her story was to remind me to not give up on my dreams. I’m thankful for the travel writer, who gave me courage to become a blogger even though I was terrified of what other professional writers would think of my inability to be grammatically correct. I’m thankful for the complete strangers, who told me their stories of strength when battling cancer and surviving. I’m thankful for the caregivers, who show me how they never gave up hope and stood by the loves one until the end. I’m thankful for the camaraderie among the motorcycle communities. They gave me support and guidance before, during and after my journey. I’m thankful for my families who loved me and supported me during these difficult times. I’m thankful for my friends who waited patiently for me while I went on a journey to find myself again. To all of those I didn’t cover above and haven’t even met, I am thankful for you too.

I’m even thankful for Kathy of http://www.ToadMama.com for challenging us to the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017.

Remember, life is too short. Be grateful for moments you do have and follow your dreams.

A widow’s romantic predicament

“Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life, I’ll love you more.” The Beatles

Finding new love after the death of a loves one is a widow’s romantic predicament. Unlike a divorce, when a relationship is over so is the love for one another. Where when a loves one die, the widow’s love does not die with the spouse’s death. So, if a widow find another lover, the ‘second love’ becomes different since the heart now holds the love for two people.

However, the society has ingrained into us that affairs are a taboo and to be frown upon. The widow’s relationship with a new love then become more complex emotionally. One, the widow now feels guilty for loving two people at the same time. Two, the grief still plays a part, even years after the loss can create a roller coaster of various type of emotion between the two lovers. It can goes from tears for the loss of the deceased to feeling smitten when thinking about the new love.

Their love to two people is more complex given the continuing impact of bereavement, even years after the loss. The widow’s ongoing relationship and bond to the deceased remains a central aspect in her life. She has to cope not merely with the new situation of loving two men at the same time, but also with the shift in the way she has loved her deceased husband.

Then there the ones who is in love with a widower. They will alway have to share the shadow in the memory of the deceased loves one. They will have period of awkwardness when friends and families reminisces the past about the widower’s deceased love one. They also have to be patience when the widower becomes detach when a significant dates roll around on the calendar such as anniversary, birthday and Christmas. They also have to be patience when the widower is on an emotional roller coaster between grief, guilt, doubt and love. In another word, it is a romantic’s predicament to love a widower as well.

Today is day 14 of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com. You may noticed that I wrote it in a third person format. It was easier to write it from that perspective than to express what I have been feeling emotionally in the last year.


Meals And Memories Are Made Here…

The kitchen is the heart of the home and made for bringing families together. In the last blog post, I talked about how the word, “mother” has morphed over the years. Most of those years were spent in the kitchen than any other rooms in the house.

Cooking for me was a form of meditation just like riding a motorcycle. It helped me unwind after a long and stressful day at work. It’s where the kids come hang out to tell me about their day or tell me the joke that they heard that day. It’s also a retreat for the kids too as a way to escape from having to do their homework on the dining room table. As they got older, it’s where I began teaching them how to cook so we can share the load. While they were cooking, it allowed them to open up to me about the drama of being a teenager. It’s where the laughter and the tears were heard.

With the kitchen the most popular room in the house, it makes sense why the open concept plan is becoming a trend in the housing market. Having an open plan allows the family to be able to see and interact with each other at all times regardless what rooms they’re in. So is it a fad or a trend that will stay awhile, who knows.

For me, I really like the ideas of the openness. It make the space feel bigger and not so claustrophobic. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t have walls on the outside of the house either so it would feel like it was when I was traveling on the motorcycle.


Today is day 13 of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com