A widow’s romantic predicament

“Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life, I’ll love you more.” The Beatles

Finding new love after the death of a loves one is a widow’s romantic predicament. Unlike a divorce, when a relationship is over so is the love for one another. Where when a loves one die, the widow’s love does not die with the spouse’s death. So, if a widow find another lover, the ‘second love’ becomes different since the heart now holds the love for two people.

However, the society has ingrained into us that affairs are a taboo and to be frown upon. The widow’s relationship with a new love then become more complex emotionally. One, the widow now feels guilty for loving two people at the same time. Two, the grief still plays a part, even years after the loss can create a roller coaster of various type of emotion between the two lovers. It can goes from tears for the loss of the deceased to feeling smitten when thinking about the new love.

Their love to two people is more complex given the continuing impact of bereavement, even years after the loss. The widow’s ongoing relationship and bond to the deceased remains a central aspect in her life. She has to cope not merely with the new situation of loving two men at the same time, but also with the shift in the way she has loved her deceased husband.

Then there the ones who is in love with a widower. They will alway have to share the shadow in the memory of the deceased loves one. They will have period of awkwardness when friends and families reminisces the past about the widower’s deceased love one. They also have to be patience when the widower becomes detach when a significant dates roll around on the calendar such as anniversary, birthday and Christmas. They also have to be patience when the widower is on an emotional roller coaster between grief, guilt, doubt and love. In another word, it is a romantic’s predicament to love a widower as well.

Today is day 14 of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com. You may noticed that I wrote it in a third person format. It was easier to write it from that perspective than to express what I have been feeling emotionally in the last year.


17 thoughts on “A widow’s romantic predicament

  1. Hi auntie. The courage you’ve shown, and love you’ve continued to give people amazes me. I’m glad you can still put one foot in front of the other. It makes me believe that things do get better. I love you. And miss you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Gina….. Who said life was gonna be easy 🙂 ? I’m very happy for you, and everybody who truly cares for you is happy for you too. I think it’s a good thing that you’re thinking deeply about your feelings. But really, you don’t have to justify what your heart tells you, to anybody. Your past life will always be a part of your future life, and your future life starts now. Tell your guy I know he’s very lucky and you know you both have a standing offer to stop by anytime you want. You’ll have to see Michelle’s new house and meet our foster daughter
    Take care, both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Don…ain’t that the truth about life. It’s always giving us road bump but we seems to get through it just fine. Thank you for the open door and yes I got to get down there sometimes soon. I would love to meet your foster daughter and catch up on life. 🙂

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    • I agree. Let your heart keep loving. I am sure that he would have wanted you to be happy after he left. I am sure that he would be okay with you having someone take care of you while you are still here.

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  3. Indeed, this is precisely the way it is for many widows, myself included. Conflicted. Even though my beloved late husband passed away (very suddenly) 9 years ago, it took 8 1/2 years to date. Alas, oh boy, the gentleman who came into my life is very special in his own right!
    Over the last few months we went from “being friends” to so much more. He is my “new (second) love.” If not for his infinite patience – by taking everything slowly – I would have missed out on someone wonderful.
    The point being, without a doubt, my late husband will always hold a special part of my heart, but at the same time I now have a new lease on life. So it is decidedly “normal” to be conflicted over a much beloved spouse and a new relationship. However, it is more than worth the effort.
    Simply put, even though it took me a long time to open my heart again, the effort has been life-changing.
    More specifically, I can’t imagine that my beloved is not smiling down on the fullness of my heart – finally!

    Liked by 2 people

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