“Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life, I’ll love you more.” The Beatles
Finding new love after the death of a loves one is a widow’s romantic predicament. Unlike a divorce, when a relationship is over so is the love for one another. Where when a loves one die, the widow’s love does not die with the spouse’s death. So, if a widow find another lover, the ‘second love’ becomes different since the heart now holds the love for two people.
However, the society has ingrained into us that affairs are a taboo and to be frown upon. The widow’s relationship with a new love then become more complex emotionally. One, the widow now feels guilty for loving two people at the same time. Two, the grief still plays a part, even years after the loss can create a roller coaster of various type of emotion between the two lovers. It can goes from tears for the loss of the deceased to feeling smitten when thinking about the new love.
Their love to two people is more complex given the continuing impact of bereavement, even years after the loss. The widow’s ongoing relationship and bond to the deceased remains a central aspect in her life. She has to cope not merely with the new situation of loving two men at the same time, but also with the shift in the way she has loved her deceased husband.
Then there the ones who is in love with a widower. They will alway have to share the shadow in the memory of the deceased loves one. They will have period of awkwardness when friends and families reminisces the past about the widower’s deceased love one. They also have to be patience when the widower becomes detach when a significant dates roll around on the calendar such as anniversary, birthday and Christmas. They also have to be patience when the widower is on an emotional roller coaster between grief, guilt, doubt and love. In another word, it is a romantic’s predicament to love a widower as well.
Today is day 14 of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com. You may noticed that I wrote it in a third person format. It was easier to write it from that perspective than to express what I have been feeling emotionally in the last year.