A friend of mine, who is also a widower, shared my blog post about “A Widow’s Romantic Predicament” and received several comments asking if “he has moved on”. I replied that we really don’t move on, we just learn how to carry on with their memories in our heart.
Sadly, until you have loss a loved one, there is a lot of misinformation about grief. The biggest one for me, is that you’re not just mourning for the loss of a loved one but you’re also mourning the loss of who you were with the loved one. You lose the life that was created together. You lose half of who you were all of those years. You also lose all of the hopes and dreams you had for and with your loved one.
As you try to learn how to carry on with those memories, your perceptions of the world around you changes. Everything you once believed in also changes. Your belief in God, your security in the world, and your expectations about life being predictable and fair is no longer the same.
However, the world around you still evolves as it used to. When families and friends think its time that you move on or thinks that you already have, assumed that everything goes on like it was before the loved one has passed. The reality is that nothing is the same as it was before. What was important before, no longer is. Other things in life becomes more important. A lot of times, it will seems like its a “mid life crisis” type of behavior to the friends and families. To us, we learned that life is precious and should not be taken for granted.
As my friend, Jeff wrote in a poem, “I am driven by death to live”
Today is day 21 of the Brave, Bold, Blogger Challenge (BBBC) 2017 hosted by Kathy at ToadMama.com
A Widow's Ride 
“….also mourning the loss of who you were…”
Exactly right.
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Yes it is….it’s all of the little things that we were when they were around.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I am so impressed with the sensitive and thoughtful approach you have taken to process your feelings and move on with your life, while still honoring the memory of your husband. Hugs.
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Thank you…it has been a challenging year for me to come to terms with the emotions that I have been feeling. This blogger challenge has helped me to formulate the feelings and to be able to put it into words. In another word, able to “put my fingers on it”. I have received several gratitudes from other widower to finally to say what they have been feelings.
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It’s wonderful to be able to express all those emotions!
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Like Lynne, I admire the way you’ve been processing your grief, figuring out your emotions, where/how things fit, etc. I’m not sure how well I would do in a situation like yours. Thanks for sharing.
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Sometimes I wonder if I’m holding myself together at all. However, I just take it one day at a time. That’s all I can do sometimes.
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