A Widow's Ride

In the blogging world they say you should never skip a post but I sure don’t feel like writing today.  So forgive me if my post seems out of sort.  The last 11 months have been a world wind for me with traveling a lot for work and dealing with the estate.  I have been praised so many times as to how well I have handled everything since his death.  Honestly, at times, it was just smoke and mirror.  There are times that I felt like I was falling apart.  There are times I wished that the world would stop spinning so I could get off.  There are times I wish that I could turn the clock back.

There are times that I’m so numb that all I can do is keep moving one foot in front of the other just to get through the day.  I have never been an emotional person but in the last 11 months, I’m learning that it is okay to cry but I still can’t do that in front of anyone.  This is the main reason why I kept turning down the offer to free room and board for the next 7 months before I hit the road because I need a place where I can be by myself and not worry about being strong.  Old habits are hard to break.

Remember the holidays are just around the corner and so is the year anniversary of his death.  So there may be days where I’m a little off or withdrawn, please don’t worry, I’ll be fine and will weather the storm that is ahead of me.  I just need time and space to get through the emotional storm.

Thank you for letting me unwinds here and for being patience with me.  Today is just one of those days where the compass is pointing south instead of north.  I know this too shall pass and to take it just one day at a time.