A Widow's Ride

Now that I have published my desire to pursue the dreams that my late husband I had wanted to do next year, I’m getting a lot of questions, looks and concerns about why would I do such a crazy adventure on a motorcycle and alone.

*         How will you support this trip financially?

*        What will you do about a job when you get back?

*       What will you do if you break down or get sick?

*         How will you protect yourself from dangers?

The questions above are the reasons why I haven’t left yet.  I’m still in the preparation stage and still have to deal with the sale of the estate which will help provide for this trip.  Believe it or not but I did learn something in Girl Scout; “Be Prepared” or was that from being a Den Mom in Boy Scout.  Anyway, I guess practice will make the journey go a bit smoother, I hope.

The questions below are the reason I’m hoping to figure out but I do realize that I may or may not find them but I will never know until I try.  One thing I do know that I don’t want to have is regrets for not trying to find the answers that I’m looking for?

*        What if you don’t find closure that you’re looking for?

*         What if you don’t find serenity that you’re seeking?

*        What if you don’t figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life?

You may not understand my motivations or desires to pursue this dream but this poem below may help you with some insight.  This was written by a friend that my late husband and I met through the TW200 community.  I’m grateful that I have his permission to share this poem with all of you.  He and his wife have had an amazing journey in life as well. I hope that I can write their story of experience, strength and hope with their permission someday.

Driven by Death

By Jeff Bowman

 I’m driven by death to live

This is not a new concept, it is just one, that I’m now grasping deeper

 Life is short, too short in so many ways

Life is also a gift, a gift not to be frittered away

 Life is real

Death is inevitable 

I think what death wants to teach us is how to maximize life

If we are willing to listen we can hear the sound of it approaching

If we are awake in our soul we’ll rise up to meet it

We should not be found hiding from death as if it cannot find us

We should not be found denying death as if it isn’t real

We should be found living

 Living life to the maximum extent we can, living life the way we want it, not how others tell us to live

We can live it how ever we please: loving, exploring, experiencing, laughing, seeking, questioning, creating, dreaming, caring, helping, and growing all the way until the end

In fact – we are living it in some manner – I just want to be consciously aware of the “how?”

 What about the theology of death?  Questions abound like: Is there an “afterlife?”

Sure I have my beliefs and I’m persuaded in them (and as a true seeker, could be persuaded out of them) but you know what, when it is all said and done I don’t have a vote on the reality of them!  They are real to me now and I love to ponder and think, to reason and debate.  But in reality I don’t have a vote on their actuality.  But I do know this: I’m going to die. 

But in case you’d like to know, my theology of death points me to God and resurrection.  This makes death only a “dirt nap” from which I’ll awake and stand in the presence of the God of all grace on a new earth.  And since I like naps and I like waking up from naps, the idea of resurrection comforts me.

 I must die alone, i.e. no one can do it for me.  If the timing of my death allows, then just like my birth, I want the lovers of my life to help me transition into this final nap.

 I’m not thinking that I’m going to avoid this final call

Nor do I think I’m in any denial, quite the contrary

I just want death to be my daily reminder to live

To want to daily ask myself am I living in such a way that honors deaths arrival?

 Forgive me that if in my pursuit of life I don’t do it the way others think it should be done – but hey, they can live their life their way.

Realize that for me, I’m living with the awareness that I’ve got an appointment that I’ve got to keep – with death

 So, if you find me looking around, pursuing passion with eyes and heart wide open like a little child, and pursuing experiences that you don’t understand, just remember and rejoice with me as I’m wanting to greet death with the best gift I can give – a full life of me.

 Allow others to live their life, to follow their heart, to listen to the way death whispers to them to live.

Listen, embrace, and love unconditionally those around us for they too are in the journey.

 Death creates life.

Life honors the God of the universe, the divine of self, and the divine of fellow humans.